Mightily confused!!!

I am Confused!!! I dont think this is the right word to describe my emotions right now, but I cant seem to find a better word. I've been trying to focus on certain things and set a few things right, but, things are just suddenly going haywire!

My life is going up and down and roundabout in a speed faster than the velocity of light!! By the time I get accustomed to one problem and solve it, something new crops up and throws me totally off balance! The result is a continued case of severe disorientation!!!

I've been trying to get my bearings right for a while now... thinking that I just need a few days to get used to certain things... but alas! I am facing too many things at the same time.... and more often than not, completely unsure as to what I should focus on!! Oh... and btw, I think this effectively proves that I am an extremely poor multitasker!!! :|

Emotions!!! Oh God!! How I wish they were non-existent!!! Just a few moments of irritation or anger can make me such a pathetic excuse for a human being!!!

Sometimes I try to take life one moment at a time, but am always paranoid about the future at the back of my mind!!! Even though my life is filled with beautiful things and people, sometimes, just a teensy weensy bit, even they seem like a burden!!!

OK... I intended just drafting this to vent out, and now I dont know why I am publishing it!!

Maybe what I need in life is a break.... a vacation maybe??!!?

Payasam for the palate! :)

I made Semiya Payasam for Vinayaka Chathurthi today :) And what you see... is the end product!! :)

Krishna nee begane baaro... :)

That is Kutty Krishna coming into our home :D :D

Happy Janmaashtami people!! :)

I just finished hogging all the seedai, appam, etc etc... so thought I'll write a kutti post here on Gokulashtami celebrations... :)

For all of you who dont know, Gokulaashtami or Krishna Jayanthi or Krishnaashtami as it is called, is celebrated to mark the birth of Lord Krishna! Krishna was born at midnight on the ashtami of the Krushna paksha (the waxing period) of the month of Bhadrapada (August - September), to Vasudeva and Devaki in a prison cell!

The festivities obviously include pooja and naivedyam of Krishna's favourite items, which include butter, seedai (both the salty and the sweet vareties), appam, and a variety of other palagaarams :-)

But the most interesting part of the celebration is that - the women mark the way from the entrance to the inner pooja room with a child's footprints using some rice flour mixed with water... This signifies Krishna's entry into the home :)

Technically, as Krishna was born at midnight, we are supposed to do the pooja and the naivedyam at night... but nowadays people have resorted to convenience, and perform them in the evening itself!

By the way, I wore my pattu paavadai dhavani after 5 long years today!!! :D :D

Anyway, wish you a very happy Krishna Jayanthi again... lets all welcome Lord Krishna into our home :) :)

Krishna is my faaaavourite God... so now its time to sing Krishna nee begane baaro.... :)

KRISHNA NEE BEGANE...

Earthquake!!!

1:30 A.M on 11th August 2009... Dead of the night.. I am deep asleep... suddenly my cot begins to vibrate violently... I sit bolt upright... I get down from the cot.. but the floor is still shaking around me... the first thought that strikes my mind is "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

My mind randomly rewinds and fast forwards to scenes of destruction, thoughts of death... I rush to the other room to check if my parents are alright... they are sleeping peacefully... I look out the window... everything is still and quiet... no signs of tremors anymore...

I keep looking out the window for sometime... The images of all my near and dear ones flash in front of my eyes... My parents... My love... For a single minuscule second, the very thought that I may never see them again... I may never live with them unnerves me deeply... in that single instant, I realise how many people in my life mean soooo much to me...

I stare out the window a little more... and then suddenly I realise that except me nobody else seems to have felt the tremors... then it strikes me that maybe I just imagined the whole thing after all... I go and lie down on my cot again... it is not vibrating anymore...

I close my eyes in peace.... say a little prayer... and go back to sleep...

A Random tag again..! :)

In order to give myself a kutti break, I am shamelessly stealing a tag from Sowmi's blog (She did mention that the tag is open to everyone after all! :P)

So... here goes...

Where is your cell phone? - Right beside me! :)
Relationship?- Confusing! But can be bliss if you handle it right! :)
Your hair? - Medium length, layered, silky straight! :)
Work : I desperately need an income!! But dont have a job! :(
Your sister? - I dont have one! :( But I do have Udan piravaa sagodharis like Sowmiya :) :)
Your favourite thing? - Uhmmm... its my mobile at the moment :)
Your dream last night? - I dreamt of certain things in my life happening smoothly and ending well... :) :)
Your favourite drink? - Watermelon juice! :)
Your dream car? - Dont have a "dream" car right now... the i10 looks good tho'...
The room you're in? - My study room
Your fears? - Loads of things... ghosts, failure, suffocation (I am claustrophobic!)...
Who did you hang out with this weekend? - Nobody!
What are you not good at? - Diplomacy??!!
One of your wish list items? - A whole library of books!!! :) :) :)
Where did you grow up?- Singaara Chennai!
Last thing you did? - Wrote notes!
What are you wearing? - A red salwar kameez...
What arent you wearing? - Bangles, Bindi, earrings...
Your pet? - Dont have one :( Found a tinyyyyy kitten at a temple today and wanted to bring it home... but sighhhh :(
Your computer? - HCL ezeeBee
Your life? - Is a miracle, and I want to make the best use of it!
Your mood? - Melancholic.... as I am missing someone veeery much :(
Missing? - Someone special! :) :(
What are you thinking about right now? - That someone special! :)
Your kitchen? - Neat and convenient!
Your summer? - Was unbearably hot... but very special due to certain reasons! :)
Your favourite colour? - Blueeeeeeee! :) B'coz People say it looks good on me! :P
Last time you laughed? - Dont remember... definitely sometime today!
Last time you cried? - Wednesday, 5th August, 2009! :(
School? - Done with!
Love? - Is the most beautiful experience in life! :) :)

I enjoyed doing this tag... and now it is open to all of you :) :)
Cheers!!! :)

Veeeeeeeeeeeee! :D :D

Hi Hi Hi :)

The morose, frustrated and melancholic posts are coming to an end... :) Adversities came my way... but they taught me plenty of lessons...

• I learned to be patient
• I learned to hope for the best, and be prepared for the worst!
• I learned to have complete faith in the Supreme Power
• I learned to accept destiny, and make the best of whatever I get.

(I know I wasnt so cool when I was actually caught up in the problem... but well... better learn late than never!) I had my darkest hours before dawn... but there was light at the end after all :) :)
I FINALLY FINALLY got my marksheet from M.OP, and hence got admission into Stella too.. :) :) So, now I am officially a Stella Marian :) .... and just in case you dont know, I am doing my post graduation in International Studies there :)

I am writing this post specially to thank each and everyone of you, who stood by me through the tough times, who offered support, help, words of advice, encouragement, who prayed for me.... Thank you soooooo much people... without you, I would never have been able to get through those 1 and a half months!

A very special thanks goes out to Guru, Srini and Sowmi who were simply there for me when I needed them, and that made all the difference in my world. And last but not least, I should thank my parents, without whose support I would have never ever gotten here!!! :) :) :)

There is a saying that goes something like - "You never know how many friends you have until adversities touch your doorstep". I realised the meaning of these words now... and also realised that I have so many valuable friends, whom I had not recognised before...

Thank you once again guys.... for everything!!! :)

Take care y'all.... Cheers!!! :) :)

Anger Vs. Depression

OK people... as you all know... I am frustrated... I mean really really frustrated... because I have absolutely reached the end of my tether! I have been dealing with this "mark" problem for over 45 days now... and throughout it all, I tried my best to remain positive and optimistic... and most importantly, HOPE!! Hope for the best!! But the last straw just fell into place....

.... And now I'm struggling to keep the hope alive!

But with this struggle comes new revelations - The past 2 days have been two of the worst in my life... I've been alternating between deep depression and cold fury at the unfairness of it all!! But my typical Gemini mind started introspecting and analysing as usual, and in the process, discovered something!

When I felt depressed, my whole life looked bleak! Those were the darkest hours when I felt that all hope is lost, and the proverbial "light at the end of the tunnel" that I was hoping for, is never going to come after all! And that, precisely, was the problem - The HOPE just dies!!!

But on the contrary, when I felt angry, I somehow felt stronger! Every nerve in my body was fuming at the unfairness of it all, and I somehow felt that I can definitely set things right if I could just channel my anger at the respective people, and that, in turn, gave me more hope!

And then when I realised that I am feeling a million times worse when I feel depressed, and that I should not allow myself to lose hope... I also realised that at any given point of time, I am either feeling angry or depressed, neither of which are good, but anger is atleast better than depression, because then I am still hoping!! So I deliberately kept fuelling the anger in me...

Now we all know that anger seldom does anyone any good! At some point of time, we have all been furious enough to break stuff or hastily put out words, and regret them later! And we have heard more than enough advice about anger management too!

But in times like these, maybe anger should also be used as a tool to derive strength from....? I know this sounds a little filmy - as in, "the angry young man", or a hero who is rightfully angry, and fuels it and uses it as a tool for vengeance!

But if we channel the anger at the right people in the right way, it could probably help us accomplish certain things better!

Something to think about, huh?

P.S : This post was written when I was in a very cranky mood... so may not really make much sense! Pardon! :)

Pointless Protocols and the problems they cause!

Protocols, rules, regulations and the like are all very good. But authorities framing and implementing the same should have a sense of when the rules do good, and when they dont! More importantly, sometimes bending the rules do more good than following them!!

A case in point is the "esteemed" M.O.P Vaishnav College for Women, which apart from being the most atrociously expensive college in Chennai - so much that it literally fleeces its students (or their parents, to be more precise!), also has some extremely stupid rules, that unfortunately affect the welfare of its students!!!

I have just passed out of M.O.P, after studying there for 3 whole years and hating every moment of it, but the college refuses to leave me in peace even now!

To make a long story short, I missed a viva voce examination in my 4th semester because I had malaria at that time, and was allowed to take it up only in April 2009. The marks of this examination, which should rightfully have been released by the college in May, has not been released yet!!! And hence, I have not been able to get admission into any college for my further studies, inspite of having qualified in the entrance examination!

M.O.P has conducted arrear examinations in the month of June, and spouts a pointless "Protocol" saying that all the supplementary examination results will be released only along with the June arrear results, which was technically supposed to be sometime around the 20th of July!

I've been requesting the controller of examinations to release my marks separately, since I gave my examinations and they have been evaluated long back too...! But she has just been evading me with sugar-coated words - When I asked her in the first week of July, she said I'll have something concrete by the 15th.. and when I asked her on the 15th.. she said I should have it by the 20th... and when I asked her on the 20th... she said I'll definitely have it on the 23rd... and when I asked her on the 23rd, i.e., today... she says the results will be out on the 29th!!

WTF??? Is this the way a college deals with its students??? The last date of admissions into the other colleges that I have got into is 31st July! Just in case, this mark doesnt come before then, I will not be able to get admission anywhere and I might have to lose one whole year of my education!

And all because of some stupid "Protocol" that does not help either the students or the college in any way!!! It is going to be absolutely no trouble for the college to release my marks earlier than the rest, but it is not doing so for God-alone-knows-what-stupid-reason. And the whole point of the "protocol" of the college is extremely illogical, considering that it affects the education of a student!!!

All these days I've just been praying for the marks to come on time, but now maybe it is time to start fighting as well!?!

Kolusu chronicles!

"Gore Gore paaon mein chaandi ki paayal..."

Paayal, anklets or our very own Kolusu - the very name conjures up mystery, romance, excitement, and a sense of old world charm... and also reminds you of movies like Mughal-e-azaam and books like Silappathikaaram... which have the anklet as their base!

For ages, I've been trying to find the perfect pair of silver anklets... and the perfect pair according to me should be thin and slender, and WITHOUT the salangai. After years of searching and hunting in all the jewellery showrooms, I found an almost perfect one this week! :)

The problem possibly lies with the unfortunately garish tastes in jewellery of the women of Tamilnadu (No offence meant!). Apparently the women here like their kolusu thick, heavy and with lots of salangais that goes chal chal chal when they walk around! I, on the other hand, abhor exactly that aspect of the anklet!

When you walk, and the anklets announce to everyone else that you are coming, it becomes similar to the case of a belled cat! Or there is a saying in tamil which expresses this predicament more accurately - "Yaanai varum pinne, mani osai varum munne"! :(

Hence my search of a pair of anklets without a salangai. But every showroom that I visited staunchly insisted that it is impossible to find a pair of anklets without a salangai in Tamilnadu, because it is simply not made that way! So I settled for lesser, and searched for the slenderest pair of anklets possible, and the minimum number of salangais that I can get....

And... I finally found one that was extremely thin (by Tamilnadu jewellery standards!) and had just a single sole salangai! :D And that lone salangai actually added to the beauty of the anklet, so I decided to forgive its "noisy" aspect, and bought it! :)

There were fashionable anklets with multicoloured crystals and the like as well... but somehow, they didnt attract me as much as the beauty of the silver anklet did!

So now it is time to sing...

"Dhinam oosalaadudhu en manasu, ada oomayilla en kolusu"

With my anklets dancing to the tunes.... :)